Having a Chinese girlfriend as a western guy can often lead to a certain amount of ‘deja vu‘ when having to listen to their usual complaints, this is due mostly to culture difference, and an overall lack of understanding on their part as to what is acceptable or wanted behavior for a western guy (in our opinion).
After dating a fair few Chinese girls myself, and knowing plenty more guys that have had a Chinese girlfriend, a pattern of complaints begin to emerge that are eerily reminiscent of a ‘Groundhog day’ type of scenario.
Therefore, I’ve decided to write ‘The top ten list of very common complaints a Chinese girlfriend often has’ when dating a non-Chinese guy; if you’ve ever had a Chinese girlfriend you may very well see more than a couple of very familiar ones, let’s start off at number ten:
10. “You don’t carry my handbag for me, a Chinese boyfriend would.”
This is a really common one. If you’re anything like me, then even having to hold a woman’s handbag for more than a few seconds leads me to break out in a sweat, and I nervously look around to make sure no other guy has witnessed my transgression of manhood.
Chinese guys on the other hand, more than happily carry their girlfriends handbag, and this is why many Chinese girls stuff their handbags full of unnecessary and heavy crap, because they know someone else is going to carry it for them!
Holding a girls handbag for a few seconds I can live with, but being expected to carry it around all day is quite something else. No matter how long I live in China, this is one thing I won’t do.
9. “You don’t phone me up three times a day, or inundate me with text messages… I feel unloved.”
In general, if you have a Chinese girlfriend she will always find a reason to feel unloved at some point, so you might as well start off right in the beginning… because it’s not going to change anything much in the long-run anyway.
8. “You don’t see me often enough, and that’s because you are selfish.”
‘Selfish’ is a fantastic word to use in China. Anytime someone isn’t doing something you want them to, just tell them they are selfish (they do it all the time)! The knee-jerk reaction is for them to do what you want them to, as otherwise they are going against ‘the collective good‘, which few Chinese want ever to do.
The only problem is, this ‘you’re selfish’ phrase has little or no effect on any westerner, with the most common response being “Yeah, so?” (that’s because we’re soooo selfish)
7. “I don’t like your friends, you should be spending more time with me.”
The main point isn’t she dislikes your friends, the main point is always: ‘you should be spending more time with me’. In fact almost any sentence can be put in front of this point, as long as the final result is: ‘…you should be spending more time with me’.
6. “Why don’t you want to ever take me out to a bar anymore? Just because the last time (and the time before that) I was ‘a little’ drunk and threw my shoe at your head? It was your fault, you glanced at a waitress when she gave you the beer, you quite obviously wanted her.”
I don’t really want to get onto the subject of Chinese girls and their lack of drinking ability, but it suffices to say according to them they never get drunk, not ever, apparently they are impervious to alcohol. No matter they can’t stand up anymore, just remember ‘they are not drunk!’
I’ve been party to, and witness to many Chinese girls ‘drinking exploits’ with their western boyfriend, so it’s no wonder this ends up as a common complaint from Chinese girls.
5. “You have no fashion sense, you should be wearing this lovely shiny sequined T-shirt I’ve bought you. The guys in super Junior wear them all the time.”
It always horrifies me when a Chinese girlfriend buys me some clothes to wear, number one because most often it’s hideous and I’ll end up as a laughing stock among my friends if I were to ever wear it (which I won’t), and two, because I know it’s not long before she suggests buying some ‘matching lovers T-shirts‘ that she vainly expects me to wear when we’re out together.
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s ‘matching lovers T-shirts’, like I’ve suddenly become a Chinese girls’ matching fashion accessory.
4. “You should learn to follow Chinese culture” (in other words, do exactly as I tell you to do.)
This little sentence comes in many different forms, but the basic idea behind it is ‘do what I tell you’. It never ceases to amaze me what foreigners trying out of open-mindedness to adapt to their Chinese girlfriend will do once the rally call of ‘Chinese culture’ is uttered by their girlfriend.
3. “You should eat more, it’s good for your health.”
Apparently, in Chinese culture the more you eat the healthier you are, it’s no matter what you actually eat, just that you eat a lot is enough. You’ll also be praised for adapting to Chinese culture really well!
2. “You should eat less, it’s good for your health.”
When you eating a lot means that she misses out on some of the food because you ate it, Chinese culture magically changes its precepts to use this one sentence as the best advice, where food and your conduct is concerned.
1. “You never take me shopping!”
The ‘number one position’ has to go to the above complaint, and you have to feel sorry for Chinese guys when shopping trips and paying for all of his Chinese girlfriends’ purchases is one of his main duties.
If you do go down this route though, the praise you will receive will make you feel like a kid again, who’s just been put at the top of the class by his teacher!
You can expect such sentences of encouragement such as, “I thought you were selfish before, but now I know you are a good man!” or “The son of God himself has nothing on you, where generosity and compassion is concerned!”
There are plenty more common complaints a Chinese girlfriend has when dating a non-Chinese guy. If you’ve ever had a Chinese girlfriend and know of some really common or annoying ones, feel free to share them in ‘the top ten complaints’ in the comments section below.