If you are dating Chinese women, either in your own country or in mainland China, or even doing a bit of online Chinese dating there is probably something you should know first: Many Chinese women who’s native language is actually Mandarin, don’t really translate the word ‘dating’ or ‘date’ from English into Chinese, into the meaning you might think they do!
A ‘date’, when translated back into Chinese frequently only means an ‘appointment’, and doesn’t necessarily contain the romantic connotations the word in English does. It then, therefore, becomes quite a subjective term based on pre-conceived notions (theirs, and not yours), and not least, a bit of convenient obtusification on their part, when it suits them.
What does this mean for you in real terms if you are dating Chinese women? Simply put, it means you can be led through a merry old dance with little to no results necessarily.
In most western countries, a girl agreeing to go on a date with you shows at least some kind of tentative commitment to perhaps beginning a relationship, but in mainland China it often means nothing. This can also be the case if the girl in question has immigrated from China to a western country. It takes quite a few years before they adapt to the western concept of dating, as in going out with a guy actually means something; some never do in fact.
This is basically because within China, friendships between males and females are way more common, with often no actual interest in developing a physical relationship on either persons part. In some ways, it’s actually one of the nicer aspects of Chinese culture. Not every Chinese male dating Chinese women is trying to get into the girls pants should he get the chance (having said that, there are many others who are, but by ratio, less than non-Chinese males).
I have a Chinese male friend who consistently ‘dates’ a selection of Chinese girls. All the girls know he takes other girls out, and all the girls know he does pretty much the same thing with those other girls, that he does with them, i.e. absolutely nothing! Except pay the bill.
Talk about spoiling it for every other guy alive!
Many Chinese girls seem to imagine in fact, that to be taken out by a male and have dinner and a movie paid for without any chance of a potential relationship, is their God given birth right. Apparently (and this comes from the horses mouth) what they are giving is the pleasure of their scintillating company, and the grace of their presence, not to mention giving him good ‘face’!
Personally, I can do without ‘face’, and could do with a bit more of ‘the other’, if you catch my drift. In Chinese Karaoke bars, KTV, you can pay for a girl to sit beside you and ‘entertain’ you. Now, I’m not alluding to anything sexual here when I say ‘entertain’, I mean they apparently entertain you by merely sitting there and sometimes making conversation and perhaps singing a song if you ask them to.
I once tried it out of curiosity with a group of friends. The girls were brought into the room and you pick one, pay money and she plops herself down beside you. I felt so uncomfortable and actually bored (she was no conversationalist, in Chinese or English), that I ended up ‘entertaining’ her! I paid for the privilege of entertaining her… somethings not quite right with that picture now is there?
It was one of the most dull experiences of my life, not to mention the money I spent on this, although it wasn’t much, to this day still grinds on me. It would have been better spent on a burger, a burger would have been more ‘entertaining’ in fact. I could have sat beside the Ronald McDonald statue, and he would have made pretty much the same amount of conversation as the girl did (although with a depth and wit only Ronald McDonald can muster).
When I asked subsequent Chinese girlfriends what exactly the point of the KTV deal was, it came down to two things: 1. If you can afford to have a pretty girl just sit beside you and keep you company it means you must be ‘rich’, and if so, you really have good ‘face‘. Apparently that night I should have been ‘walking on air’, with the admiration of fellow males, and my new found status of ‘face‘ (I can’t say I really noticed it).
And 2. The initial fee is something of an introduction fee, after that, if you like the girl, you then negotiate a price for her to come home with you. Not all KTV girls are prostitutes, but if they are not in the beginning, they certainly are by choice at a later stage. Again, I think Ronald McDonald would have been a better prospect, and that’s saying something bearing in mind he was rather stiff too.
What does all this KTV talk have to do with dating Chinese women? Well, it’s that the basic premiss is, in Chinese culture, that a woman is really doing you a favor by simply being seen with you! Many Chinese women really do believe that to be the case in fact, because many Chinese males actually do too.
They simply carry this opinion over to when they are dating western guys, imagining we must think the same thing also.
When dating Chinese women this can lead to a real waste of your time and money if you’re not careful. Since I wrote my book ‘Chinese dating secrets exposed’ in 2011 ( I actually I began writing it in 2010 based on numerous Dating Chinese Women experiences), I had plenty of the readers of the book tell me they had experienced exactly the exact same thing I’m talking about here.
Many used my methods to change the situation into their favor, while others realized it was really going nowhere, and focused their attentions elsewhere.
What I want to say is don’t buy that whole ‘Chinese culture’ deal Chinese girls are fond of telling western males that they should follow and understand. It’s often just a convenient excuse for the girl to string a guy along and be ‘entertained’ without actually ever intending on moving the relationship forward at any stage.
There are few Chinese girls that are so called ‘traditional’ these days, and those that really are, almost never consider a relationship with a non-Chinese in the first place. Beware.